Remembering Grandpa Hole

My grandpa, Ervin F Hole, passed away on Saturday, July 24, 2010.

Grandpa had been having a rough time over the past few months. He was hospitalized for a while over the Christmas holidays, but he pulled through and was able to go back home. However, he was on full-time oxygen and was not able to do much because of that and because he suffered from macular degeneration and had been legally blind for a while before that.

Courtney and I decided early in 2010 to book a trip to go to Michigan to visit Grandma and Grandpa in the summer, and Mom ended up being able to come up at the same time as well. Kim, Zach and I spent a week with the family in Michigan at the end of June. We could tell that Grandpa was struggling with his breathing and his medications, but he had a blast playing with Zach while we were there, and it meant so much to us to see that.

A week or so after we got back home, I found out from Mom that Grandpa had been hospitalized with pneumonia and wasn't doing very well. He ended up recovering well enough to be transferred from the hospital to a care facility, and he seemed to be in good spirits and doing as well as could be expected given the circumstances. On the morning of Saturday, July 24th, though, I got an email from Mom saying that Grandpa was unresponsive and things didn't look good. After spending the day in a daze trying to distract myself with errands, I got the call I was dreading - Grandpa was gone.

I booked a flight on Saturday night and flew back to Michigan on Monday. My Uncle Dave and Aunt Robin live near my grandparents, so Uncle Dave picked me up at the airport when I arrived. My Uncle Simon and Aunt Gloria had already driven in from their home in Rhode Island, and my Mom and Dad, Courtney and Chase arrived that night.

On Tuesday morning, my Grandma, her 3 children (my mom and 2 uncles), their spouses, myself, Courtney and Chase sat down with Grandma and Grandpa's minister, Jason, to share stories about Grandpa and help him shape the contents and overall flow of the funeral service. Jason asked Chase to share what he remembered most about his Great Grandpa, and Chase said that Grandpa liked Zach and that he was really nice.

After that, the rest of us told stories about our times with Grandpa. I mentioned a couple of things - how I remembered becoming a baseball fan in the summer of 1984 when both the Tigers and Cubs were doing well. I was afraid I would have to choose between my home state Tigers and Grandpa's favorite team from childhood, the Cubs, in the World Series. I also mentioned how much it meant to me seeing Grandpa play with Zach back in June. Grandpa just lit up when he held him, and he did the same cartoon voices (Woody Woodpecker, Bugs Bunny) and silly sounds that I remembered him doing for me when I was little.

I also got to hear the full story from Grandma about how she and Grandpa first met and started dating - he and some friends skipped school their sophomore year and tried to get some girls to join them, and after being turned down a few times, Grandma ended up saying yes. Grandma also told us about how Grandpa's mom took him to bars with him when he was young (his parents were divorced, and he was an only child). Later in life, Grandpa didn't want to sit and eat at the counter in their house because it reminded him too much of that rough time of his life. I also heard some stories from my mom and uncles about their childhood - Grandpa decided to plant pickles one year, Grandpa wanted both of his sons to play baseball and be catchers like he was, he took an algebra course with students the same age as his daughter to be able to contribute more effectively at work, etc. I learned how the kids pooled their money and got Grandma and Grandpa a set of golf clubs for their 25th wedding anniversary. They could only afford one set at the time, but Grandpa bought Grandma her own set the following year, and that is how Grandma and Grandpa got into golfing. I learned that Grandpa retired from GM at age 55 in order to be able to enjoy time with his family and because he had a hard time working with people who were just in it for the paycheck and the coffee breaks.

There were 2 viewings at the funeral home on Tuesday, and I was blown away by how many people came out to pay their respects to Grandma and the family. Grandma also put together a memory book and gathered some other memorabilia for the viewing room, and I learned some of the details about Grandpa's childhood and life that way. I knew he was a Cubs fan, but he was a member of the Diehard Cubs Fan Club since 1935 - he only got to see one World Series appearance (a loss in 1945) in his lifetime. Red Sox fans prior to 2004 didn't have anything on Grandpa! I knew Grandpa was inducted into the Rockford Sports Hall of Fame in 2007, but until I saw the memory book, I didn't know all of the details of his accomplishments. I knew he was a star catcher on the baseball team, but I learned that he also played offensive line and quarterback on the football team, and even played a season on the basketball team. I had seen a couple of poems that Grandpa wrote over the years, but I also learned that he was the sports editor of the school newspaper and that writing was a much larger part of his life than I realized.

I was able to see my cousins that live near Grandma and Grandpa (Kevin, Justin and Kirk) at the viewings. My other out of town cousins (Heather from Florida, Sara and Erica from Rhode Island) arrived on Tuesday as well. I hadn't seen Heather since Kevin's wedding in 2005 and I hadn't seen Sara or Erica since Grandma and Grandpa's 50th wedding anniversary in 1997. Despite the sad reason for our reunion, it was really good to see them all again, and we got some pictures of all of the cousins together.

The funeral was on Wednesday, and Kevin, Justin, Kirk and I were pall-bearers along with my Grandma's brothers Frank and Paul and my Grandma's nephew Rick. We all wore white shirts, black slacks and one of Grandpa's old ties. As the eldest grandson, Kevin got to pick first and he got the Cubs tie, and I got 2nd pick and got the St. Patrick's Day tie that plays the song Irish Eyes are Smiling.

At the church before the service, Jason came up to Courtney, Chase and I and asked if it would be OK if he led off his speech with a story about the meeting we'd had the previous day where Chase talked about Zach. I am so glad that he chose to talk about that, and also so glad that he mentioned it to us beforehand. It was tough to hear about him talking about Grandpa and Zach just a month after they met, but it would have been even harder if I hadn't known it was coming. I was sitting next to Chase at the service, and I'll always remember how he looked up at me during that part of Jason's speech and saw how sad I was and put his arm around me and patted me on the back.

Instead of having people come up to speak informally about Grandpa, there were 3 readers who each read something written by Grandpa. The head of the Rockford Historical Society read a poem Grandpa wrote about their regional champion basketball team back when he was in high school. My cousin Kirk read a poem Grandpa wrote about shooting one under par in a 9 hole round of golf when he was in his 50s and going back to the clubhouse to celebrate, only to see a 75 year old woman who shot one stroke better than him on the same 9. My Uncle Simon read the poem Grandpa wrote for Grandma for their 50th wedding anniversary, and added a short addendum that he wrote to commemorate the 12+ additional years of marriage that they shared after that.

Grandpa served in the Navy immediately after high school, and he was an American Legion captain later on in life, so his funeral started with a line of service members saluting his casket, and finished with military honors (folding and presenting a US flag to Grandma, a 3-shot salute).

Looking back, I am so happy that we were able to visit when we did so that Grandpa got a chance to meet Zach and we got some priceless photos and memories from that visit. At the same time, it was really hard for me to see Grandpa struggling to do ordinary things like walk to the bathroom, and it broke my heart when we said goodbye at the end of our visit because he cried a bit and told me that he probably wouldn't see us again. Although it has been tough losing him and accepting that he is gone, I am glad to know that he passed peacefully and on his own terms. It has also been an inspiration to me to see how many people he touched during his life (a loving wife of 62+ years, 3 children, 9 grandchildren, 12 great-grandchildren, countless other friends and relatives), how he lived his life, and what he was able to accomplish. I love you and miss you Grandpa!